Honestly, I would cancel the Vegas vacay, then throw a fit and cry and make him feel guilty... Men won't admit it, but most of them are addicted to Big Drama, even more so than women - truth!!
Honestly, I would cancel the Vegas vacay, then throw a fit and cry and make him feel guilty... Men won't admit it, but most of them are addicted to Big Drama, even more so than women - truth!!
My Dr. Phil advise ..... Communicate, communicate, communicate. Is he aware of how concerned you are about this? You both need to sit down and formulate a compromise that you both can be happy with. He shouldn't want to change what makes you happy and you need to be respectful of his feelings. Being able to reach a compromise that works well for both of you will be the basis of many future compromises you'll need to make if this becomes a long term relationship. If he can't compromise on this it may be a sign that he won't compromise going forward. I really hope this works out for you! It's obvious that you like this guy and are hoping he may be " the one." I'm rooting for you!
One more thing. I made significantly more money than DH at the beginning of our marriage. It was very hard for him to deal with. We dealt with it by always discussing major purchases and making sure to budget our expenses together. This really is a hard issues for some men to deal with.
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Last edited by Elf70; 04-28-2016 at 06:39 PM.
As foamy already said I rarely gambled for the first 18 years of our marriage. Just didn't enjoy it and was raised in a family where no one did. His family all did! I didn't mind staying home while he went to the casino with friends but it sounds like your BF would mind so that makes it harder. Not sure if you mentioned if he has been to LV before? Not a very fun destination for non-gamblers even with the shows, spas and dining because the gambling is so in your face.
After our Son moved out I went along just to get out on a Friday night and then I hit my first and only hand pay and was hooked. Our Son by the way hates gambling. He will do it on occasion if we go to a concert and he can enjoy a drink and cigar while low rolling. But it is really hard to get him to step foot in a casino and then it is only for a short time. The same way I used to be!
I would think he has some hobbies that you don't enjoy? Also thinking his view on spending all your time together will change eventually. You know him better than you can describe here to all of us so go with your instincts. He has to be willing to give you space or it most likely won't work between you IMO
There are enough people here that have proven it can work between you if you both don't enjoy gambling. Maybe try to get him to hang out in another place in the casino like watching games at a sportsbook or bar while you slot?
Thanks everyone. I have a lot of work to get done this afternoon but will respond to your points tonight.
He and I have had an upsetting text message convo about this today already following up on our discussions last night.
I am trying my best to understand. Especially when he writes things like:
"I don't think I have anything that's so important to me that I would let it become something between us. I guess I don't understand why the gambling is so important to you."
I think that's unfair to phrase it that way. But those are his feelings on the subject. I just wish he could articulate at all why the gambling bothers him so much. And as you know, it's something I do infrequently - every 2 months on average? It's not as if I'm going frequently enough that I actually talk abt gambling with him every week. I think we talk abt the "issue" way more than I talk about me gambling!
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Last edited by DK528; 04-28-2016 at 07:33 PM.
Jesus Dina, he's not making this easy!
As others have said, to pick Vegas as a destination, knowing your slot hobby, then expecting you not to do it is a bit out of order. I suspect that you're right and that you earning significantly more than him is a big part of the issue. I absolutely don't see a way of bringing that up that ends at all well though. Feeling "less than", if it is the case, is something that will likely eat away at someone and the only thing worse is having a partner bring it right into the open. However genuine and well meaning your insistence that it isn't an issue, it will come across to someone who doesn't want to hear it as condescension.
Sorry you're in such a no-win position here. I hope he comes to his senses and starts acting more reasonably sharpish.
Cheers,
Billy
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This is not something to take lightly and you seem to really care for this guy. One lessen that life has taught me - you have to change because You want the change...not for someone else. Today it's gambling, tomorrow it could other hobbies/your friends. Don't set that precedence so you won't end up resenting your decisions or him. Good luck with your conversation tonight. At least he is open to trying to figure it out. I do however agree with those that suggest another vacation location...temptation is a bitch.
I say go to Vegas as planned. It will just speed up whatever's going to eventually happen.
I made sure Linda was Vegas Compatible when we started dating. It sounds shallow but it was important to me.
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Fair dinkum legend
Have you guys been dating for over a year? he should still be more concerned about going down on you still then trying to change your hobbys. Lol maybe ask him if he had a bad experience with gambling on the past or some relative etc...
His text is just wrong, will he insist on you not going away for your girls weekends or to SNC concerts because it takes time away from him? It's a hobby, you do very infrequently, that should not bother him. My guess, as others have said, is that it may be a money and insecurity issue, more than a gambling issue.
Also, he picked Vegas! What did he think people did there? It would be like Adam telling me we were going to Disney World but saying I couldn't go on any of the rides!
And being someone that has met him in person, at a casino, he did not seem bothered to be in a casino and was very nice (I suspect one big exciting slot win may be what he needs to like it more).
Also, even if gambling habits may change down the line (with a new job, kids, etc. as you mentioned) it has to be on your terms, not something he dictates. You have to be comfortable being yourself and he should adore you for that, not try to change what he doesn't like or agree with.
I'm going to show this to Adam later and get his take on it also since he was not as into slotting when we met but has come around! Lol!
I don't envy the situation he put you in, you aren't going to go to Vegas and not gamble.
Slot wins @
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I hate to say this but he is itching for a fight if he hates gambling so much why would he pick Vegas? He also stated he wouldn't let anything come before us but he is what he should have said is you can't let anything come between us. I understand that we won't win gambling and many people have had big problems with gambling but many have not.
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