Advice re significant others disapproving of gambling

[hccj]

DK258, Red flags in any relationship is the amount of times a person has to "defend" their significant other. Of course I haven't met you or your boyfriend, but I come from a long line of dysfunctional, co-dependent relationships (not with my husband, but growing up). Please be honest with yourself and be careful not to fall into a trap. The beauty of the beginning of relationships is that you can set the standard and pattern of interaction. If you don't do it correctly in the beginning, you can't go back and fix it easily.

You seem like a sweet person and I wish the best for you. I can tell you are torn. Good luck with the BF and in Vegas.

[TwoArmedBandito]

He's having troubles communicating his feelings? Typical man. Hhh!

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[DK528]

MO or Vdara sound like fabulous options! Add in some nice restaurants and a show and he'll see that Vegas is much more than gambling... Will you be happy with either of these properties? I've always wanted to stay at MO, hoping you consider it

I've stayed at both and really like them!

I just read all of what everyone wrote just now and it looks like you are responding still but I think this is a control issue.
Take that "it's gambling" with all the negative connotations that some put on it, take the financial issues out of it, etc..
It's something that you like to do, something that is not negatively affecting your life at all, and you are going on vacation to one of the premier destinations in the world for that activity, a destination that he chose, and he's giving you shit about wanting to partake in that activity while you are there??? After he met you in a casino??????

You also mentioned something I think about him reacting oddly to you talking about trips with your friends? That you thought might have been because he doesn't have a lot of discretionary income?

I am just seeing red flags with a lot of this. I'm sad about that. I only know the details about him from this thread.

I would just try to think about his behaviors and reactions taking the financial differences out of the equation and thinking about in in terms of your "hobby" being something else and not gambling.

DK258, Red flags in any relationship is the amount of times a person has to "defend" their significant other. Of course I haven't met you or your boyfriend, but I come from a long line of dysfunctional, co-dependent relationships (not with my husband, but growing up). Please be honest with yourself and be careful not to fall into a trap. The beauty of the beginning of relationships is that you can set the standard and pattern of interaction. If you don't do it correctly in the beginning, you can't go back and fix it easily.

You seem like a sweet person and I wish the best for you. I can tell you are torn. Good luck with the BF and in Vegas.

Thanks for the advice. The problem with posting something like this publicly and asking for advice is that yes, I'm probably going to come off as defensive. Especially if I want to be honest and upfront about the issues. But I do think it's something we can work through, I really do. Talking about it here, getting different viewpoints and different perspectives is helpful.

[MNvegasgal]

Dina,

Sometime when you ask us gamblers for advice.. We give our opinions with our life lessons (and our own baggage) connected. I see a pattern that everyone is trying to protect you.. Because you are our joker family. But just like the advice I was given regarding my daughter and her decisions.. We have to trust that you will make the best decisions for yourself. Worst case scenario is you go to Vegas....it sucks.. And you live and learn. There a million other things that could play out and it could be great.This is your life and your relationship. Trust in your inner voice and your gut. Your heart and head will lie to you.. But your gut will always be truthful. I am sending positive thoughts and prayers out to the universe that this trip is a great get away for you both!


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[DK528]

Thanks @MNvegasgal. I know everyone has good intentions and is looking to protect me. My comment about getting defensive is just that it's the nature of the beast in this type of situation (at least I think so) because I'm spilling beans and sharing a part of my life. And one that's necessarily putting someone else in a bad light.

I really hope that we have a great time. For lots of reasons. And based on AC trips, we should! Just keep your fingers crossed


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[BorgataBabe]

@DK528, coming from someone who has met you several times and has had nice conversations with you and genuinely likes you. I want nothing more than for you to be happy and I know your BF makes you happy. But I know gambling has also been a touchy subject since the beginning. I've expressed to you before that I feel gambling is a hobby to a lot of us here, we enjoy it, it helps us to unwind, win or lose. Most adults have hobbies, whether they golf, fish or buy expensive handbags. So since gambling is only something you do every 2 months I don't see why he has such a problem with it.

I also think he could be intimidated by your job and income, I think that's a touchy subject often when women are financially more well off than their partner.

I hope this all settles down and you enjoy Vegas, after all he chose the destination! I do hope this is something you will both get through, however he should not try to tell you to stop something that you do enjoy so much. Maybe he can hang at the pool in Vegas and girl watch while you gamble! I know, some woman may not like that advice, I don't think there's any harm in looking, as long as that's where it ends!!! He can hang at the pool, smoke cigars & have a few drinks and you can gamble!


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[BigDaddy]

Honestly, pick a different place to go.. Vegas will not be enjoyable once your there and he starts to make comments about your gambling.. There's lots of other places to go non-gambling related.. I'm thankful my wife approves and enjoys to gamble as well because if she didn't we probably would not be together.. Good Luck!!.. ALL THE BEST!!

[SlotMommy]

Aww Dina...my heart really goes out to you because I know how much you care for this guy and it seems you really want things to work out between the two of you.

There are times my husband disapproves of my gambling and we've had many fights about it over the years. But usually we have fights when I play carelessly and / or play my winnings or hit the ATM. For that matter, I too am angry with myself during those times so I can only imagine how frustrating it is for him to see me behave this irresponsible way.

However, all the TR's I've read from you, you are so disciplined. You don't really even frequent the casino that much and when you do, you always seem very in control of your spending and you don't go on tilt (like I tend to do at times, lol).

Also, you are a hard worker and you are an established young woman, you're not gambling with money you can't afford so although his concerns are understandable given his relative that had a gambling problem, he needs to realize that that is a separate issue entirely and it does not pertain to you.

I have started going on solo trips within the past year or so and much to my surprise, I love them. It's nice not to have my husband questioning my every bet / move and to come and go as I please. Although I do love gambling with him, but he's honestly not much of a gambler and sometimes it's nice to have a little space for him to do things that he enjoys (that I particularly don't enjoy) and vice versa.

I strongly feel that you should not be taking your first vacation to Vegas, especially since your gambling is such a sore subject in your relationship. There's so many beautiful, romantic places you can visit together on your first vacation together. I think visiting Vegas will only add more fuel to this already burning fire.

I agree that you can't give up something you enjoy doing for him because it will definitely lead to resentment. However, I'm not sure if that's what he expects from you.

It just sounds like it's still early on in your relationship and he wants you all to himself...he doesn't want to share you with anyone (or anything for that matter). And I think that's sweet and for this reason, I think you should both find another destination where you can enjoy each other's company relaxing and getting to know one another even more and becoming even more closer and in love.

I wish the best of luck to you Dina. I hope you both can meet somewhere in the middle and find a solution to this tiny kink in your relationship.


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[phillycub]

I'm gonna speak on my own personal experience. My last relationship, my ex hated the fact of anything casino related, he looked and frowned down upon me for doing it. If I spent a $100, I was obsessive and compulsive and needed help. Mind you, my rent was paid, my car payment was paid, insurance, there was food on the table, bills were paid...nothing I did was good enough, so that was one of that many reasons I kicked his ass to the curb. I was not going to have no foot-stomping crazy lunatic man tell me what I can and cannot do with my money that I bust my ass for. (Another thing was that I made double what he made, he didn't like that fact either).

Either find some common ground or find someone who will accept you for you. I am lucky to have a boyfriend who likes to watch me lose my money (or win some money to share with him!) and enjoy ourselves. He knows for a comp room, a certain level of play is required and he doesn't mind playing 50-60 bucks on my card and helping out. It's something I enjoy and something he enjoys in moderation.

That's my 2 cents.

[TwoArmedBandito]

Chris has a good point. Maybe he needs to feel like he's a part of the comp thing. If he plays. Or buys anything . Have him get a card. He may not believe the first time offers that come to him. Eye opener maybe?

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