Advice re significant others disapproving of gambling

[dvandentop]

This reminds me of when I was young I was dating a girl and picked her up one Friday night. I was happy and told her I couldn't wait till tommorrow she said why I said pheasant and quail season opens and I'm going hunting she informed me I wasn't going cause she didn't like hunting so I went around the block pulled in her driveway and said get the fuck out cause I'm going hunting in the morning she started whining about I can't believe you won't give it up for me I said well I won't so see ya later.

LMAO good old foamy hahah

[tee2green]

Dina,
I've only met you once and didn't find you intimidating in the least! I'm with trey on this one, go to Vegas and whatever transpires is meant to transpire. My DH could never understand why I talked to strangers online about gambling and was even more aghast that I wanted to meet them. I think his words before I left for my 1st M&G were "This is a one time thing right?" Fast forward to last Aug and after attending the AC greet with me, he loves you all as much as I do! I wish you the best in whatever the outcome may be.


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[Eva]

I just read the whole thread and I have to agree with lots of the posts.

My questions (can be answered within yourself) : You have been in Atlantic City together twice ? Whose idea was it for the first trip ? ... and for the second trip ? How did you spent the days (different ? less gambling ?)

His idea going to Las Vegas (beside being a hardcore test) ... What´s his idea for this vacation ? I know everybody (including me) says you can see and do a lot beside gambling.
Did he / the two of you make an itinerary ? Not as a tight schedule but to write down what can be done there (museums, hiking, etc) including browsing through the schedule of events for this time.

All the discussions about Las Vegas respectively the gambling ... I hope it didn´t destroy the fascination of this city.

[nancypants]

Hi @DK528!

I'm sorry you're going through this. It sucks. If it were me, I would go through with the Vegas vacation and gamble like I usually do. See how and if he reacts to it all.

From what I've read about him so far, there are some red flags (to me). Personally, I don't like it when someone pulls the "is it more important than me?!" card. It's not fair and he can pull that card at any time for anything, even family time you might be wanting down the road.

You shouldn't change yourself for anyone. Someone should love you for who you are and not have stipulations for doing so.

I just asked my husband for his opinion and he asked why your BF picked Vegas. He said you can't go to a chinese restaurant and expect a hamburger. LOL that's my philosophical husband for ya!


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[hytail]

Relationships are not my strong suit by any means but I'll pitch in here ...

I would be in the camp of choosing a different venue for your trip. There appears to be a level of conflict in the present venue which does not seem to further or enhance the bonding in a relatively new/growing relationship. That does not mean avoiding tackling the issue(s) by simply going elsewhere - but giving yourselves shelter to foster deeper bonds. Like GG expresses, if the gambling conflict is not resolved but merely masked, it may negatively influence the success of a marriage. I assume that is what you desire, but I could be mistaken.

Like Derek mentions, typically he should be falling head over heels for you rather than focusing on things you do that bother him. You should be confident about who you are, your ways and means. Alternatively, it is also admirable he wants to address the gambling conflict head on now rather than later (or just ignore it now and risk the possibility it creates more serious conflict in the future).

Ultimately, it may have to come down to compromise, one of you or both. Or one of you may have to let the other one know that bird hunting it is going to be.


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[owls]

I actually have and wear this tee-shirt. My husband of 36 years didn't mind that I played slots and won....for awhile.
Of course, I was working FT and earned a pretty fair income, so had some money I could play with. He was great with it if I won, but when I was chasing losses, not so great. Then my Mom got sick, and I retired to take care of her.

It became miserable after that. Right now I'm not gambling. I think you have to ask yourself...what next? What's he going to as me to give up next.

I'd go on the Vegas trip, have fun on it. Gamble some, go to shows, do some non-gambling activities.
Tough deal, I don't envy you having to make this decision. But I'm equally sure you make the decision that's right for you.