Advice re significant others disapproving of gambling

[foamy]

This reminds me of when I was young I was dating a girl and picked her up one Friday night. I was happy and told her I couldn't wait till tommorrow she said why I said pheasant and quail season opens and I'm going hunting she informed me I wasn't going cause she didn't like hunting so I went around the block pulled in her driveway and said get the fuck out cause I'm going hunting in the morning she started whining about I can't believe you won't give it up for me I said well I won't so see ya later.

[Nhcris]

Thanks everyone. I have a lot of work to get done this afternoon but will respond to your points tonight.

He and I have had an upsetting text message convo about this today already following up on our discussions last night.

I am trying my best to understand. Especially when he writes things like:

"I don't think I have anything that's so important to me that I would let it become something between us. I guess I don't understand why the gambling is so important to you."

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What I see is that he is taking the problem that he has with gambling, and making it sound like you have a problem. If it's not so damn important to him, why is he making such a big deal out of it? His issue with it is what is coming between you.

That sounded harsh I think, but I fear this is more about control than about gambling. I think that you need to get to the root of things, and I don't think it's gambling.

[Wynnvegas]

This reminds me of when I was young I was dating a girl and picked her up one Friday night. I was happy and told her I couldn't wait till tommorrow she said why I said pheasant and quail season opens and I'm going hunting she informed me I wasn't going cause she didn't like hunting so I went around the block pulled in her driveway and said get the fuck out cause I'm going hunting in the morning she started whining about I can't believe you won't give it up for me I said well I won't so see ya later.

You old romantic you...

[darrellk]

Tell David to get his head out of his ass & put on his big boy pants & get with the program. If he wants to control you or make you feel guilty about gambling then maybe he's not the one for you. Plenty of fish in the sea that enjoy gambling that will accept you for who you are.
Sorry to sound so harsh but that is how I Feel DK !!!


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[CTslotters]

I had Adam read this and here's his take on it; he said georgiagambler's reply would be what he would write. He also said he should stop being a baby about this and not bring it up. He also thinks he's testing you by picking Vegas to see if you'll choose him over gambling (which is shitty). It seems like he's trying to control you.

[Georgiagambler]

The fact that he doesn't understand why it's important enough that you have to talk about it sounds like a really big issue. I don't get the impression that he will be accepting or understanding that this is a hobby that you enjoy which seems like it is something you will always fight about. I don't think this thread is the first time you mentioned this as an issue so it really is a big deal.

The reason it is important to discuss is because it is important to you. It's not about gambling, it's about him trying to dictate what he wants to "allow" you to do. I'm not saying he is a bad guy, but it sounds like he is not willing to compromise and accept that this is something you enjoy doing and plan to continue to enjoy. I honestly hope that you don't quit to make him happy. But as already stated, it is something you just need to put on the table and discuss. It could be something as point blank to ask if he expects you to quit completely. While I enjoy doing things as a couple with my boyfriend, we also have things that we do and enjoy separately. He has time with his friends alone and I have times with my friends alone (gambling or not gambling) I don't think that should stop just because you are in a relationship. If he no longer wants you to do anything with your friends (without him), I think your issue is bigger than gambling. The issue is control or insecurity.

I still wish the best for you and hope that it works out but you really have to talk about it and get it closed one way or another.

If my BF told me to choose between him and gambling, I would choose gambling. Not because gambling is that important, but because of the principal.

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[dailun]

It's not your problem . . . . it's HIS problem. It's something you like to do that doesn't impinge (affect) your lifestyle. It's something that you like to do with your E.I. (expendable income).

I hate to say it, but this sounds like a major sticking point in your relationship.

[lady luck]

I have been in a relationship before with someone who hated gambling but had never even been to a casino or so he said. I still gambled. It was my money. We wound up breaking up (not because of this but because he was a cheater). One day I was at the casino in Oklahoma and was on my way out the door and who did I see stuffing a machine with money, along side his new girlfriend. I guess he learned to like it huh lol. Seriously though, your relationship is still new and you said that it's been awhile since you've been in a serious relationship. I know that probably makes it hard because you don't want to ruin it but I just feel that when a person really cares for you they will accept your differences and give you your space. You should be able to gamble and vacation with your friends if you want. I bet he wouldn't stop doing something he loved doing just because you didn't like it. It's gambling now, what will it be later?

[darrellk]

Let's review the facts for a second Dina. You met at a casino but he does not approve of gambling. You let him choose a vacation destination & he chooses Las Vegas but he does not approve of gambling. Just tell me who goes to a casino without any intention of gambling ?
Party atmosphere excites him ? Why the hell should there be such an issue when he obviously likes the casino atmosphere ?
Him smoking cigars is gross and think he would give them up for you if you nagged him about it ?
Probably Not !!! Nuff Said !!!


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[SME]

I think Adam is right. It feels like he is testing you. Why pick Vegas as the destination at all if it makes him so uncomfortable? You work hard and should be able to do whatever you want with your money, no justifications necessary. And you shouldn't have to give up something you love (regardless of what it is) to keep him happy.
I don't want to overstep here but you mentioned that he's your first serious bf in many many years. I hope that you don't feel like you have to settle for this guy.
All in all, I hope that you can work it out before the trip. Would be a shame to waste time arguing or feeling uncomfortable on your trip, especially since you worked hard all year and this is somewhat of a reward.