I am not a laugh out loud kind of guy. And I don't know if its the wine with dinner talking, But I just laughed so hard for the last 3-4 minutes until tears came. My wife is just kinda looking at me.
thank you both @foamy @Wynnvegas
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I totally understand how you're feeling. Troy and I discovered gambling together. Eventually he kind of out grew it after losing all the time. Which I could totally understand. He already told me only 2 trips over the summer. AC and Reno, which I feel is a fair compromise. I just hope he would fall back in love with gambling so it won't be such a challenge when I want to go to the casinos.
I hope you two could come to a compromise so you both can enjoy Vegas.
Hi Dina
My advice would be to schedule your vacation to another destination. Perhaps a road trip that wouldn't involve pricy flight tickets?
I reread what your BF concerns were and it sounded like he's concerned that you'll spend too much time gambling. For whatever reason he's bringing this up now, it makes sense just to avoid the situation until he understands what you want from a Vegas vacation.
I wish you both the best and you both seem to be caring of each other.
My husband did not gamble and it took awhile for him to accept that gambling and Vegas were passions of mine and that it made me happy.
Wishing you the best outcome.
[QUOTE=Luckylinda123;109951]I'm really hoping that we can talk about this and compromise. We've talked abt it alot ... and I think we're talking past each other. We view compromise differently. Cigar is one example. The beach is another. We talked about it today. He loves the Jersey shore and the beach; I don't love the beach. But we're probably going down to the shore this summer and I'm going to "suck it up" and am willing to spend as much time as he wants at the beach b/c I know he loves it .. and we're at the shore. He views compromise as since he knows I don't love the beach, we won't spend as much time there as he wants.
I also think I could be over-reacting based on the rest of our conversation today. He says he doesn't want me to stop gambling because of him and doesn't think he's said that before. I may have mis-heard him? Maybe he's upset with how I've phrased it in terms of it being a non-negotiable in Vegas.
We've gone on casino trips before and have had great times. I'm really hoping that we'll get there and this will be a non-issue (or a small issue) b/c we'll have other things to do and fun to be had. Including gambling some.
Trey, I've mentioned the forum but don't think it's the right time to bring it up again :)
Elf, it's an issue I've been aware about since the beginning of the relationship and I think I'm pretty sensitive about it. One of the issues in the relationship is that I can talk about my feelings/emotions easily and can recognize them (being a sensitive female; going to therapy) -- he just doesn't have a similar capacity. He's working on it but it's hard to know there are underlying issues but don't want to be the one to suggest these are the issues.
It is my experience that things like "gambling" is a "core value", and those are nearly impossible to change. Some other core value has to be changed in order to accept it.
I wish you the best, but I'm not optimistic. One of you is certain to be miserable.
I do love the advice you all are giving me :) I can't figure out how much of his issue is related to me spending my money. I think it's other things but both you and @slotbender picked up on that so maybe it is.
You may be right! I hate drama. We've planned this vacation beginning Memorial Day Weekend so it's hard to now find an alternative locale that's not crazy expensive with airfare. I think we're going to try and make it work.
He was last in LV 10 years ago I think. He's starting to get excited about the trip, I think -- we have some fun things planned. He does gamble some -- when we've been together, he's lost his $ quickly and gets frustrated -- but yes, if we can get him a nice win, that would help :) He does play video poker while he smokes his cigars and one compromise will be that he does that while I'm slotting.
@Big Mac, you mentioned getting up early and gambling before your GF got up -- I'm the one who wakes up late in the relationship so it's not going to work here .. but it's a good suggestion :)
Yeah, I don't think I can bring up the income issue. I don't plan to. I think he thought I'd gamble some over our Vegas trip but was taken aback when I said "i have to gamble every day." I meant it in the sense that it's osmething i like to do, we're in Vegas, and we're staying on my offers so there's some play expected. I shouldn't have phrased it that way unfortunately and he felt like we'll be off having a great time, and I'll say "oh i have to leave to gamble." I've assured him that won't happen but I don't know if he believes me.
I am glad we can talk about it -- I just hope we can figure out the root cause of the issue b/c right now I don't know and he can't explain what bothers him about it. I don't want to set that precedent about changing either.
Hahaha. Yup, only 9 months. I don't think there's a bad experience with gambling - either him or a relative. His mom actually slots but is a low-roller and he's never expressed any issue about it. He shared a photo with me that she took of a nice win at one of the PA casinos.
I know! He hasn't seem that bothered in a casino! We have had fun gambling together before. And I figure with Vegas, there's much more to do than in AC or Mohegan and so we'll have a blast. I'm really hoping this dissipates somewhat once we're there and adrenaline is flowing and we're excited about vacation. I still don't get the independence issue but its something we've talked about and he's come around on it pretty easily actually. He can be molded :)
Yeah, I don't understand the itching for a fight bit -- I may also be egging it on because I like logic and reason and since he can't explain why it bothers him, I keep on pushing him for an explanation, which frustrates him.
Haha, that's great. I'm not at that point yet but you never know :)
I agree, Chris, but it's not something he's understanding. I do think it's partly a control issue which is something we can talk about (delicately) -- it may wait until after the trip at this point. We sort of agreed to table this discussion until after our trip. I hope it sticks :)
Thanks for the real talk, Darrell -- and I'm being serious. He has many many other great qualities so I'm not ready to throw him back in the ocean yet. He actually probably wouldn't bring cigars on the trip with us if I said something -- so I don't want to risk that gamble :) I think he picked Vegas because we've had so much fun in AC and it's a bigger, more fun AC. We have lots of fun ideas for the trip that don't directly involve gambling so yes, I do think he picked it thinking I wouldn't spend so much time gambling.
Yup, I've suspected that too. He had issues with his ex-wife (which I don't really want to get into) and so I think he brings those into our relationship. Which isn't fair b/c I've made him a priority in my life these 9 months. While I'm hesitant to bring up other things, I'm okay calling BS on this one.
Thanks, GG and lady luck -- it's something we've worked on and he's actually made progress in the non-gambling aspects -- I think the control or wanting me to pick him over something else has to do with past relationships as I mentioned above -- and it could be better to phrase it that way when talking about it, then only criticizing him about it. At least that's what I'm hoping.
Thanks, dailun. I'm hoping it's not but it's definitely caused drama these last couple months on and off.
Thanks, SME. While he's my first serious boyfriend in a while, I don't feel like I'm settling at all. This really has been the only issue so far and I think it's been exacerbated b/c he's not comfortable figuring out his emotions so can't really explain it and so I egg him on for more info.
Thanks Jen. I'm definitely willing to compromise and I think I've expressed on here (or SF) in the past that I don't love seeing my W/L statements at the end of the year -- this could be a good impetus to at least reduce my exposure to losing $$.
Clemi, I've brought it up several times as an option and I've been met with "no, I'll feel awful for switching our vacation based on this stupid thing." He realizes (at least a little) that it's irrational for him to be so upset about this but it just escalates if i'm being stubborn about it. I'm considering switching one of our reservations (Aria & Cosmo) to a non-casino hotel as a compromise, which I think could be a good alternative.
I agree that it seems like he's worried about me spending too much time gambling. I don't know what else to say other than "I'm going to be limiting my time gambling to an hour or two each day" -- maybe that i won't? or I won't every day? That's why switching to Vdara or MO could be a good option for us. I'll raise it again this weekend.
Thanks everyone for your advice. I don't want to bash him completely. He is a very nice, kind, funny guy.
We've gone back and forth all day about this. We know each other's positions. He realizes he's not expressing himself well -- he said he's trying to express love and I'm taking it as an attack. What I think he means by that is that he's excited for the trip, can't wait to spend that much time together, and doesn't want me disappearing for big chunks of the day. I get that. And I think I'll be extremely sensitive about it. And hopefully that will be good enough for now.
I just read all of what everyone wrote just now and it looks like you are responding still but I think this is a control issue.
Take that "it's gambling" with all the negative connotations that some put on it, take the financial issues out of it, etc..
It's something that you like to do, something that is not negatively affecting your life at all, and you are going on vacation to one of the premier destinations in the world for that activity, a destination that he chose, and he's giving you shit about wanting to partake in that activity while you are there??? After he met you in a casino??????
You also mentioned something I think about him reacting oddly to you talking about trips with your friends? That you thought might have been because he doesn't have a lot of discretionary income?
I am just seeing red flags with a lot of this. I'm sad about that. I only know the details about him from this thread.
I would just try to think about his behaviors and reactions taking the financial differences out of the equation and thinking about in in terms of your "hobby" being something else and not gambling.